Here’s to fifty-nine, biatches!!

“You must not lose faith in humanity.” ~ Mahatma Ghandi

On May 23^rd, I decided to reflect on fifty-nine years of self. I tried to make sense of the last two decades of struggling to understand humanity. And the last few months of, personally, fighting racism; sexism; ageism; and any other ism that comes with disrespect. Family and friends was at the top of my list.

Nobody has the right to make you feel like you don’t belong or that you’re unworthy of respect. You must never allow anyone to make you feel guilty for living and loving the journey you’re on. ~ Gloria

We all have our own road to travel … and it’s necessary to have people who care and support you during good times, as well as difficult times.

Feeling quite down and broken, on a day I should have felt joy & celebration; I hopped on the train (alone) with no destination and soon found myself sitting on a bench in a park (Church St. and Queen St. E) where I spent the day … with a group of homeless people. I watched how they protected one another; how they helped one another; and how they shared the small amounts of food they were able to purchase with the change they had collected from strangers walking by.

I smiled at how they danced, with huge smiles on their dirty faces, and how their eyes lit up with joy as they held that precious piece of food in their unclean hands.

I watched as they cheered and giggled when one of them successfully moved the black and white chess pieces across the board. There were equal cheers for both players. I’m not even sure who won the game because each player was shown love … there was no winner or loser. It was just a game. A moment for them to come together and uplift one another. A community. A family.

And I found myself feeling happy. By the end of my little visit, I was having conversations with some of them and I felt accepted. I was not being judged. I felt so much kindness from a group of homeless people who had no idea where their next meal would come from or when it would come. I’m not saying they were happy because they were homeless but I think they were happy because they were with people they trusted and people who supported them.

“The first to help are those who know how it feels to fall down.” ~ Unknown

They sang songs, danced, played games, and laughed at each other’s jokes … and I found myself wondering how they celebrated their birthdays. I wondered if they even acknowledged their birthdays. And then I realized that each and every day of survival, for them, was a celebration.

Saying good-bye and wishing my new amazing friends (and that’s how they made me feel; like I was surrounded by friends) a good day, I continued my journey along Church St and stopped by a huge church on the corner of King St. E … I took a seat on the bench beneath a huge tree. I watched and listened to people (with homes and food and clean hands) … I did not hear the laughter or see the joy that I had just witnessed in the park. They were missing the ‘thankfulness’ … I felt alone and misplaced … I moved on and walked until the water in my eyes dried and my heart was less heavy with sadness.

Dammit, this was my birthday and I was not going to allow ‘selfish disrespectful people’ to make me feel unworthy of this beautiful journey. I’ve spent so much of my time trying to help others that I had forgotten to help myself.  

Thank you Aisha Brown for being the beautiful breath of fresh air you are. 

And if you're trying to read my t-shirt, it says,
"I'm not a lesbian, that's a nasty rumour spread by all the girls I've slept with."

I want to also thank Marito Lopez for sharing “Baby D*ck” … it’s an awesome tune. And thank you Arthur Simone for that big azz birthday hug (you make me feel sexy – lol). And thank you Dadrien Brown for being a good friend and helping to make my day special. 

And most of all, thank you Sandy Hubertus Fuller and Grace Ro (the one person who’s always there to remind me that I matter) for helping me to realize that family isn’t always blood and that you don’t need a lot of people in your life to be happy … you only need people who truly care about you and who make you feel like you belong on this earth.

The comedy show was off the hook and the karaoke was … well … the karaoke was AwEsOmE! Again, thank you Aisha for inviting me to share 'your' big day … and making me feel so d*mn important, in a society where so many times it feels like humanity has lost almost all compassion and respect for one another.

“One of the simplest ways to stay happy … is letting go of things (and people) who make you sad.”  ~ Unknown

 I had an awesome day … here’s to fifty-nine (59) biatches!!!!! ~ Gloria